Uncertainty is scary, but also exciting.

It is two in the morning and I am wide awake. I have a million things floating through my head and decided maybe blogging would help empty my thoughts so I can find a few hours of rest. I lie in my bed tonight so completely overwhelmed by the love of God and his beautiful, beautiful faithfulness. I also lie in my bed right now completely scared about what the future holds for me. I'm scared because for the first time in awhile, I really have no idea what will happen in my life after college, or even next year. I'm not really used to the uncertainty... 

But the thing that is keeping me up right now is the excitement that I get to start over. I get to have perfect, simple, trust in God.. which is what I wanted, what I prayed for, and why God is so faithful to me. As this next year starts, I want to see what it looks like not not live for myself. With this place of uncertainty, I figure that this could be a perfect opportunity for God to show me how to live for him.. humbling myself under his mighty hand.

I have been thinking a lot about what it looks like to truly be single. And you know what? It can be so scary sometimes and it only feeds to the uncertainty of my future. Am I called to singleness for the rest of my life?? I don't really know. But I pray that if God puts that man in my life... that it would catch me completely off guard. I pray that I don't see it coming because I am so consumed, fulfilled, and content with the love of Christ.

So basically... here I am. I have never felt so small before the Lord. With every bit of doubt, every hint of fear, and every feeling of loneliness I run to Jesus.

Goodnight.