I have been back from Saranac Village for a little over a month now and the transition has not been easy. As I think about my community here at home, I feel very blessed. I know that God has put me with the people I am with for a reason and that being to glorify him. I learned so much at Saranac and I definitely came back with a completely different heart. But now that I am at home, I feel myself slipping into a place where I don't want to be...a place of lonliness and unhappiness. I have been praying and talking to God about this for awhile now and suddenly things clicked to me today. I know exactly why I feel the way I do.
Let me tell you a little bit about Saranac. After hearing so much about the place before I got there, I didn't really think it was that beautiful whenever I first stepped onto the camp. But throughout the month it became so much more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Saranac is so hard to explain in words...but it is literally one of the most peaceful places I have ever been.
I have never felt so alive in my life when I was at Saranac. God felt so real to me, so near. I learned so much about prayer, about patience, about faithfulness. But one of the things that has really stuck with me hard...the thing that makes it so difficult about being home...is how much I was loved there. I immediately felt at home and was able to act myself, not afraid of the approval of anybody. And for some reason... people seemed interested in getting to know me. But to be honest, it wasn't just me that got this special treatment... everybody was pursued and loved the way I was. I remember meeting Elizabeth, the girl I was going to be doing crafts with for the month. As I asked her if she was excited about doing crafts, she looked at me and said "yes, but I'm more excited about working with you...everyone thinks you're amazing!". How do you respond to that?
I really love the girls I live with, and the community around me here in Raleigh. But I have never felt so encouraged and loved the way I did at Saranac. After a lot of thinking, I realized that it is not because the people here don't love me, it's because of how present God was in everybody during summerstaff. Every person on summerstaff was pursuing the Lord and because of that, their love for God overflowed onto everyone around them. God made them capable of loving in a way that everybody craves and desires. So after being loved and loving the way I experienced at camp for a month...I can't help but become lonely and hurt by being in Raleigh. I miss the way people made me feel, I miss the way people encouraged one another daily, and I just miss the peaceful beauty of Saranac Village.
So I don't really know where I'm going with this blog, but I am realizing that true joy really comes from first spending time with Jesus, and second...loving other people, serving other people, and being loved by people only through the love of Christ.
